A Promise of Sorts (to Myself)

It has been a long time since my last post, and I wanted to write something for the four lovely people who are kind enough to read my blog regularly and talk to me about it. At the risk of insufferable navel-gazing, I wanted to dedicate this post to telling you (and the indifferent metaverse and Internets and perhaps most importantly, me) that I haven't left this blog by the wayside.

I am simply struggling with my own lack of discipline (and what I tell myself is lack of time) to properly learn Photoshop and improve my skills. I have the manual. The resources are out there in the form of blog and video tutorials. Why am I not taking photos of more sims, constantly learning better techniques, learning what cool things Photoshop can do? And posting the results with cleverly written commentary?

In short, where is my will?

The reason, beyond simple laziness (which makes up a good part of my inertia, I admit), is that I happen to be a pretty harsh perfectionist with myself and can't bring myself to post things that don't pass my rigorous and rather arbitrary quality-control check. That means most things I attempt don't pass. I hate the thought of posting things that aren't at least nearing the level of loveliness that existed in my mind before I began. And, of course, I am a procrastinator who has a hard time finding the time to do the grunt-work to learn the nitty-gritty, the hard stuff. This is stifling, self-destructive thinking and behavior for someone who wants to learn something new.

To sum up, dear reader(s): rigorous perfectionism and laziness combine to make zero progress.

Well, I've had a "come to Jesus" moment and it was while watching this clip from a video by Ira Glass that a friend posted on Facebook. In it, he talks about the gap that exists between the beginner's taste and his or her ability. He is referring specifically to radio broadcasts, but it could apply to any craft:

Now, let's get one thing straight: I have fucking good taste. If only you could see the the ideas there, in my head: the Second Life photo montages and stories I would make, the celebrations of sims and clothes in photographs lovingly and expertly manipulated in Photoshop, maddeningly beautiful in all their strange, crystalline perfection ... oh, and of course the thought-provoking writing that would accompany these images.

What I don't have yet is the skill.

"It's going to take awhile and you just have to fight your way through that," Ira tells us. "You'll be fierce. You'll be a warrior. And you will make things that aren't as good as you know in your heart you want them to be."

Thank you, Ira.

I need to carve out the hour a week with the manual, the few minutes here or there reading online tutorials.

And in the meantime, I need to post, post, post.

I need to be fearless and revel in mistakes:

Oh, that photo is too dark?

Post it, it's okay.

Oh, that composition is too cluttered but you don't have the time to go back and reshoot?

Post it, and in doing so you will learn.

Oh, you suck at Photoshop?

Stop being lazy about learning, and in the meantime, post.

You just happened upon some blogger with mad Photoshop skillz and have lost your nerve?

Post anyway.

You've set yourself a near impossible task for your next post, like writing a sequel to The Shadow Over Innsmouth by H.P. Lovecraft (in his style) to accompany the photos you took at the amazing sim Innsmouth?

Take a deep breath, write the goddamn story, and post it--imperfections and all.

Post post post post.

Amen.